


Fear and Love Do Not Go Together

by like-i-love-you (Iron_Sidhe)



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:04:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7108183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iron_Sidhe/pseuds/like-i-love-you
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archie is suffering and Cook can’t handle watching it anymore. When he makes the wrong decision he’ll have to try and fix things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear and Love Do Not Go Together

**Author's Note:**

> Previously published 9/11/09.  
> The title is a Lithuanian proverb.

It’s tearing Archie apart right before Cook’s eyes. He’d known Archie’s parents were going to completely loose it when he came out to them. Archie had said as much many times, but apparently he’d never really believed it- not deep down where it counted. He can still picture the way the younger man had flinched and his head had jerked. Later it was only the lack of a mark that convinced him he hadn’t missed the slap. It was just the words. As if “just the words” was any better.

He knows the biggest piece is Archie being gay. Until his parents get past that nothing will change. He also knows part of the problem is him. He’s a whole lot of things Archie’s parents never wanted for him. He’s also older and he met Archie before he was 18. They are understandably suspicious.

It’s tearing Archie apart but it’s tearing Cook apart too. He can’t fix it. He’s tried. He’s called, sent letters, and a video statement. Once when he couldn’t avoid going out of town he told Archie he’d be gone a day longer and flew to Utah. Family has been a huge part of Archie’s life and Cook can’t help feeling like he’s taking that from him.

Cook’s never put this much of himself on the line before. He can’t do this. It hurts. He can’t cost Archie his family. He doesn’t want to feel this helpless- not again.

“I can’t do this anymore.” He throws the words down between them like a gauntlet. He wants to make it bitter, make it hurt. He doesn’t want Archie looking back. Archie deserves to have family. Cook can’t imagine not having his family.

“What do you mean?” Archie’s voice sounds all wrong. Cook knows just how much he’s blind sided him. He hears the little waver and his resolves almost cracks. He has to take a deep breathe before he can speak again.

By the time the screaming is over and Cook walks out the door Archie is in tears. He doesn’t want to leave the younger man alone but he doesn’t know who to call. He finds the nearest hotel and proceeds to throw up the entire contents of his stomach in the very nice bathroom he doesn’t give a shit about.

He can’t help thinking he timed it perfectly. It’s been three weeks and word has finally gotten around the Idol circle. Michael’s been calling but he’s on tour and Cook doesn’t bother answering. Michael is one of the most stubborn people Cook has ever met. A black eye wouldn’t be enough to stop him. He wishes he could just buy Andy a car, but that’s not the kind of apology he owes him.

It’s only been six months when the news leaks. Archie is living in England and has applied for citizenship, which has been granted. His family has no comment. Cook tries to put his fist through a convenient wall. Archie was supposed to fix things with his family not go running off to England.

It takes Cook two weeks to get on a plane. He was all for canceling the concerts but management had said no. It takes him another week to actually get Archie's address. By the time he arrives Archie is traveling in Europe. The maid recognizes him and it’s easy to get her to talk.

She’s rather chatty but something she says gets David’s attention. “He didn’t take any luggage.” Cook can’t imagine a universe in which Archie would leave behind the roll up piano he’d given him. No matter how mad or hurt Archie was. Cook has always known he had to share Archie with the music.

He misses his flight home. He talks to Andy once- to say he’s sorry for leaving him to deal with management and to ask him to call his family and Michael. He’s not going home until he knows Archie’s okay.

It takes him a while to find a private investigator willing to look for Archie, and for Cook to be there every step of the way. They track Archie through Europe, always several steps behind. Three months after Cook missed his flight they know Archie seems to have stopped traveling. In Lithuania of all places.

Cook spends Christmas alone in Lithuania. His PI has gone home to his family for 3 days. He doesn’t answer his phone. He’s too miserable to talk to all the people who love him. It’s all over the news back home not that anyone gets it right. Archie is missing or kidnapped. David Cook is heartbroken or responsible. He is responsible but not in any of the ways the tabloids are speculating. The idea that he broke Archie’s heart, apparently it’s inconceivable.

Six months in and they’re still chasing leads in Lithuania. His record company is threatening to sue. He’s missed tour dates. He can’t even tell them when he’ll be home. He doesn’t care what the tabloids have to say, and they have plenty.

On what should have been their second anniversary Cook and his PI have a strong lead. The PI tells him not to get his hopes up. It’s not the first strong lead they’ve had and the others haven’t panned out. Cook gets his hopes up anyway. He can’t help it. What they find is a kid who should be entering Archie look-a-like contests working at a flower shop.

For the first time Cook acknowledges that maybe they aren’t going to find him. He’s not going to give up, but he may need a new plan. He’s made good money but it won’t last forever. He starts thinking about doing a tour or recording a second album in Lithuania. Things that will make him money to fund his private investigator.

It takes him three weeks but he calls Andy and asks him to find a realtor. His house has a lot of good memories but it’s better money. He can always buy a new place, with Archie if he’s lucky. He’s got more than enough money for the moment but who knows how long the house will be on the market. Besides, it’s costing him money to sit empty.

Andy offers to pack up the important stuff. It’s not like he needs to put his furniture in storage. They decide on a charity auction. It might buy him some good will if he’s trying to resume a career of some kind.

Ten months since he missed his flight and Andy calls. His band is now officially short one member. Andy’s career is taking off enough that he has to choose. Cook can’t even promise the rest of the band anything. He tells Andy to take them, Neal at least, if he’s looking to make a permanent band. Cook can’t ask them all to wait.

He’s been in Lithuania for a year when he finally flies home. He’d like to see everybody but it’s only four days. He spends two jittery days with his family. He’s on edge hoping the phone will ring, worried that he’s going to miss something. When his mom tells him to change his flight he hugs her and calls the airline. 

Twelve months in they start hearing rumors. There’s this Lithuanian kid who can sing. It wouldn’t even be on the news but this guy who works for a record company broke down on the side of the highway. This kid stops to see if he’s okay. It still wouldn’t be news but the kid turned down a recording contract. The whole thing makes Cook ache. It reminds him so much of all the things the media said about Archie.

One of the networks announces they have a crappy 15 second phone recording of the kid singing ‘Imagine". Cook flips the tv off and doesn’t turn it on for weeks. He’s in an electronics store trying to buy a new phone battery when he hears they’ve got a new phone recording of this kid. One of the TVs is tuned to some news station. Apparently since Cook hasn’t been paying attention they’ve learned the kid works on a chicken farm. There are still no photos but Cook doesn’t know the story on that.

He does not want to hear this kid sing but he wouldn’t make it to the front of the store if he tried. The sound quality is worse than he imagined. He can barely tell the kids got a voice. He can’t pick out the words. He’s still struggling with his Lithuanian. It’s only a line or so and then the kid transitions into a different song, in English. Cook recognizes it in an instant- “And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going”. Archie sang it often enough. For the first time in months he feels hope, small but there.

When they pull up to the chicken farm it’s been fourteen months- 432 days to be exact- since Cook landed in London. Twenty months- 607 days- since he walked out on Archie. He’s been telling himself the song choices are just a coincidence but he’s not sure he believes it. He doesn’t know if he’s going to survive the disappointment if it’s not Archie.

There’s a kid in the distance and from the back he’s almost right. Cook’s heart is in his throat. It’s been twenty months and then the kid is turning. The PI is still inching up the rutted muddy driveway when Cook flings open the door. He stumbles getting out but the pain in his hands and knees doesn’t even matter. Twenty months and the mud doesn’t matter because the Lithuanian kid isn’t Lithuanian.

Cooks running and Archie hasn’t moved. He doesn’t care how much Archie hates him. He needs to know Archie’s okay. If nothing else he needs to know. Archie’s right in front of him and suddenly he doesn’t know what to do. He wants to hug Archie but he gave up that right when he walked out.

Archie’s staring and Cook has no idea what to say. Then “come home?” The question startles both of them but now he’s started Cook can’t stop. “I’m not asking you to forgive me or take me back. Just come home. You don’t belong here in Lithuania. You should be singing not raising chickens. Chickens! You have so many friends who miss you. Your family” Archie drops to the ground and Cook stops speaking.

Archie looks up at Cook. “If my family cared they’d be here with you. Or you would have mentioned them sooner.”  
Cook sighs and sits down beside Archie. “I can’t imagine not having my family. You were in so much pain. I was in the way. I just wanted you to have family.”  
Archie starts crying and laughing because twenty months and the whole thing is so stupid. Cook’s staring and Archie can barely get the words out. “I had family. Without learning, without eyes.” It’s a proverb he’s picked up here and Cook is not stupid just missing the big picture for the little one. “I had family. I had you and your mom and all your family. Michael and your band. I had family.”

Cook hauls Archie into his lap and buries his head in the smaller man’s shoulder. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Can we... Can we start over?”  
Archie pulls back. “I don’t want to start over.” Cook freezes. “Can we just go home? Take me home. Take me home.”

Archie’s still crying and now Cook’s crying. Their tears mingle as Cook finally kisses the younger man. Cook pulls back long moments later as Archie draws in soft shuddering breaths. He reaches up and rests a hand against Archie’s heart. “This is home. I’ll live anywhere with you. Even a chicken farm.” Then they’re both crying and laughing and Cook finally feels whole again.


End file.
